I Did Not Know That As A Mom...

I had my first child 19 years ago... wow.. that was a long time ago!! I was young and felt so unprepared to be a mom but, I managed to figure it all out along the way and make it through not only her being a baby, but a toddler and then even the teen years!! I pretty much started over and had three more kiddos. They are now 3,4, & 5. One thing I can say for certain... there are just some things about being a mom that I did not find in any of the books I read, none of my mom friends told me... I truly think they left these random tidbits out on purpose in order to get a little humor. You know, the whole shock and wow factor.

I did not know that as a mom.....

I would simultaneously love my husband so much, and hate him to the point that I planned to smother him in his sleep.... ok kidding.. I would never smother my husband in his sleep. I need someone to run out and get coffee on those mornings when I am out!

There would be not be any more random Dollar Menu Trips to McDonalds. Now every trip consists of Happy Meals... nuggets, fries, drinks.. which likely end up spilled in the car.

That poop comes in more colors than Skittles! No joke here! I can't tell you how many times I have asked "what in the world did you eat??"

It take soooo much longer to get to the store than it does to actually buy a gallon of milk. Are you sure you can't just eat your corn flakes with orange soda?!

That if you can wash your body and shave your legs in the same day, it has been a pretty good day!

Your hair does not have to be brushed on a daily basis, weekly might do just fine.. oh and those round brushes do not come out of long hair without lots of tears and scissors... I hope that patch grows back soon!

You should cross your legs when you sneeze and pray that you don't pee!

Silence is NOT golden!! If they are quiet for more than 3 minutes... you better go check!

The colorful Skittle poop that was mentioned earlier... it will become fingerpaint at some point.

Child proof does not really mean CHILD proof.. it really means ADULT proof! Especially when it comes to toilet locks and needing to pee at 3 a.m.

Your house will never stay clean again until they leave for college. I can assure you that by the time you get one room or mess cleaned up, two more will be made!

That it takes 5 times longers to accomplish anything. Even simple tasks such as taking the clothes out of the dryer.. yep.. takes so much longer!

How you have to smell things, in public, and try your best to remember when we had chocolate pudding last.

How you will secretly scratch $20 dvds, because if I have to hear "Let It Go" one more time, I am gonna lost my mind.

All of your identities are replaced with one, "MOM"

How you stare at them while they sleep and can't believe they actually belong to you... and then do some ninja moves to get out of the room so they don't wake up.

When they are playing nicely in their room, DO NOT make eye contact!! Trust me on this one!!

Never smell your sock if you step in something wet. Take them off, dry the floor, and keep it moving! You just don't need to know that bad!!

That I would have to start getting ready to leave 5 hours before it is actually time to go and this will consist of changing my clothes a couple of times.

You never have your own plate or food... again... like ever. Find a secret stash place, set the alarm for 1 a.m., eat by the light of the fridge, and swallow it whole. It must be gone in 2 minutes. Also, don't brush your teeth so you can taste it, whatever it was, as you fall asleep.

All kidding aside, being a mom is one of the absolute, most rewarding things I have ever experienced in my entire life. I promise you, the dirty diapers and sleepless nights will not last forever.. ok.. maybe a really, really long time. But, they grow up way too fast. The best advice I can give you.. cherish every single moment with them!!